When I was a child there was three possible candidates as my future husband. Jimmy Lawless, he was the most popular boy in my class in junior infants. He was small (yes we were all small but he was particularly small), funny and always had crisps and bars for his lunch, big and small break. In the line at yard time one day after an exhilarating game of kiss chasing he asked could he borrow my ring. I’ll be honest about it now, five year old me thought it was my moment.
However in a crushing twist of fate I watched him propose to Tracy, another girl in the class. Dying inside I never gave up hope though. She didn’t understand him like I did. I was sure that a divorce would follow soon and Jimmy and I could finally be married. Pretty high hope seeing as divorce wasn’t legal in Ireland until 1996.
Another candidate was Davy Jones from The Monkees. In the early 90s I was unaware the American band had split in 1971. I’m sure someone in RTE knew but they still aired the bands tv show on Saturday mornings at the time. Davy and Jimmy shared some similar traits but Davy was even more unattainable. Davy was a near perfect potential future spouse but there was one man who had the edge.
Ray D’arcy, he had it all. He was also small, funny and unattainable but he had something special. He was best friends with Zig and Zag. I did often wonder would it be a problem that I kinda fancied one of his best mates (Zig, obviously) but it didn’t dampen the flame.Ray had a laugh, a warm infectious laugh that was like…. Not crack, I don’t know what that’s like but say a Kellogg’s cereal variety pack.
I don’t want to leave anyone on a cliffhanger but it never happened for me and Ray, we’ve never even meet. But maybe if we do one day I can ask him to get Zig to sign my copy of ‘Zig and Zag- Revenge of the Nellies’ just as an icebreaker.
Come see me do stand up