I’m at my breaking point today. I need hugs, tea, a Twix and a maybe an aul sly cry. A Lidl Twix would do, I’m not a complete wreck. Ok, not exactly breaking point but it can feel a bit like that sometimes.
I have always had a problem showing my vulnerability for some reason. My partner Shane calls me the ‘ice queen’, the charmer that he is. I remember when I was in school, in the yard at lunch time. If I fell and hurt myself and friends would come over asking ‘Are you ok?’ I’d tell them I was fine and to go away. I didn’t want them to see me being ‘weak’.
Even in later life I went on to have 3 natural child births. If I’m being honest about it it was some sort of weird competitive thing with myself about how strong I was. For what? There wasn’t a parade in St.Holles for the incredible women who put herself through extra pain for the craic.
I’m trying to train myself that I can’t be taking on the world everyday. As long as I can remember I’ve been a bit of a hard nose bitch and I think being a single mother for many years I developed an outer exterior not dissimilar Jackie Stallone-tough as!
We all can get frustrated with the Chinese Water Torture aspect of life at times. Sure even Beyonce has to have days were the most productive thing she does is eat a share bag of starburst single- handedly. For me today it’s been two uncooperative little people coupled with two excitable dogs one of which has a cone on his head that he enjoys smashing into the back of my calf.
If you meet me today and I seem a bit stand off ish or cold it’s not your problem it’s me. I’m trying to hide that I’m a normal person who has days she struggles, which results in a bad case of resting bitch face. Yes its my issue but if you can offer me a Twix hopefully I’ll warm up in no time. Oh and a room filled with silence never hurts. Thanks