Signs You Are Ready To Start A Family

I saw an article the other day entitled ‘Signs You Are Ready to Start a Family’. I regret nothing and thank my lucky stars every single day. However, I did feel it missed out on some key points.

family

SIGNS YOU ARE READY TO START A FAMILY

1. Do you enjoy getting up from your seat and discovering you’ve been sitting in a wet patch and the panic when you realise it could be anything
2. If you can only shower or use the bathroom when you have company
3. Likewise, if you like to be questioned about what you are doing while trying to do a pooh
4. You don’t like having money or any items of value
5. Feel at your best with stains on your clothes
6. Not a fan of sleep. You believe its unnecessary
7. The exception though; you do enjoy falling asleep on the couch on Friday nights before 10pm
8. Hate silence
9. Quite happy to be covered in other people’s bodily fluids favouring snot, pooh and puke
10. You take pride in an unclean house, car, face………. the list is endless
11. Frustrated by enjoyable and relaxing holiday experiences
12. A collector of bulky expensive equipment that comes obsolete within months
13. Won’t go shopping until someone promises to pester you the whole time
14. Hate the colour white
15. You’re a keen cook who after a meal is served fucks it in the bin pretty much straight away. The more effort put in the more likely this is to happen
16. Obsessed by the bowel movements of others
17. Alone time is not for you
18. Happiest when knee depth in negotiations about ‘one last bit’
19. Nothing sets your heart on fire quite as quick as walking bare foot on random bits of plastic crap
20. Relish in feelings of guilt and inadequacy you never imagined in your wildness dreams.

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